♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ female announcer: Welcome to "Becoming Your Personal Best: Life Lessons from Olympians and Paralympians."

Today, our host, Hunter Kemper, four-time Olympian in the sport of triathlon and at one time number one in the world, has a conversation with educators and youth, talking about resiliency.

Hunter Kemper: Welcome, and thanks for being here today.

Dr. Charles Benight: Thank you, hi.

Hunter: My first panel guest to my right is Dr. Charles Benight.

Dr. Benight is a professor of psychology at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs.

He is a licensed psychologist who founded the new Lyda Hill Institute for Human Resilience.

Most recently, Dr. Benight has developed a community resilience program called GRIT, which stands for Greater Resilience Intervention Teams.

This program has already been implemented across the United States and around the world.

Thanks for being here.

Dr. Benight: I'm glad to be here.

Thanks, Hunter.

Hunter: My next guest is Dr. George Houston.

We can clap.

It's okay.

You can clap.

Dr. Houston: Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dr. Benight: Thank you so much.

Hunter: My next guest is Dr. George Houston.

As principal at Wasson High School, George and his staff introduced block scheduling as a part of education reform in the '90s.

In 2010, George led a team from the Center for Creative Leadership to Iraq, to help the U.S. exit from the Iraq War in Operation New Dawn.

And in 2018, George was recognized as a hometown hero for his work in his community.

Thanks for being here, George.

Dr. Houston: Thank you.

Hunter: My last guest, but not least, is Dr. Theresa Newsom.

Dr. Newsom is the CEO of Children with Promise Educational Services.

She's a gifted and talented teacher, and she's an advocate for the development of leadership attributes in children and youth.

Theresa, thanks for being here.

Dr. Theresa Newsom: Thank you.

Hunter: Yes, and welcome panel.

I wanna say where here is.

We're at the United States Olympic and Paralympic Museum and Hall of Fame.

We're in gallery two-slash-three of this amazing museum.

It's the one and only, and in this gallery is a collection of torches.

Starts down here at 1936 Berlin Games.

Thirty-eight torches later it goes to the Tokyo 2021 Games in Tokyo.

Thirty-eight torches, so this is one of the amazing things that you get to see as you walk through the museum.

Are you guys excited?

Dr. Benight: Very much.

Hunter: Have you had a personal tour yet?

Dr. Houston: Not yet, but I want it.

Hunter: You want one?

Dr. Houston: I want it.

Hunter: Okay, so you want a personal tour by a four-time Olympian?

Dr. Benight: Please.

Hunter: In the sport of triathlon.

Dr. Benight: Yes.

Hunter: Okay, that's me.

I'm gonna ask you to describe the word "resilience" or "resiliency."

Theresa, we'll start with you.

Dr. Newsom: I think of resiliency as a caterpillar in a cocoon.

That caterpillar is in that cocoon, and it's struggling to get out.

It needs to break free, but there are struggles.

There's challenges that happen, and so what I'm thinking about is the wind and the rain and the snow and the heat that's bringing the challenges that cause the cocoon to sway and to just move in a way that doesn't feel comfortable for this caterpillar.

But as that caterpillar grows and changes and that metamorphosis happens, that caterpillar becomes that beautiful butterfly, and it breaks free.

And through that resiliency it becomes that butterfly.

That's how I see resiliency, overcoming and breaking free from those challenges.

Hunter: That's awesome.

That is a beautiful example.

Dr. Houston: Nice.

Hunter: George, do you wanna take a hit after that?

Dr. Houston: Yeah, I don't wanna go next, especially-- But I'll take a shot.

I'm a former basketball coach, and I used to keep on my desk a deflated basketball.

And any time we had those kind of issues and challenges after losses and-- you know, of course, I always talked about this deflated basketball, and I asked 'em to-- "Let's go practice with this."

"Coach?"

And then, of course, we get the inflated one, and I said, "This is how we have to be able to bounce back."

Resiliency is your ability to bounce back after defeat, or, in this case, deflatedness.

And not just bounce back as you were, but in some cases bigger, better, stronger than you were.

And that's the ability, I think, from a coaching perspective that I try to bring to the table, is that we're not gonna win every game, urgh, but when we lose we wanna have the resiliency to come back bigger, stronger, and ready for our next opponent.

Dr. Newsom: Nice.

Hunter: Caterpillars and butterflies.

Deflated basketballs.

Dr. Benight, you're up.

Dr. Benight: Well, you know, I like to think about some of the people I've seen over the years.

I do a lot of work with trauma survivors, and I worked with this one woman years and years ago when I was a doctoral student.

Unfortunately, she had gone through an assault at one point in her life, and she felt that she wasn't whole anymore, and she was really struggling with that.

And I basically came up with a metaphor with her about a pizza, and that just because one slice of a pizza has been taken doesn't mean that the whole pizza is, you know, not worthy.

When I left-- I had to move on to some more of my other training-- she brought me a gift of a placard, and on the back she says, "I'll never forget the pizza."

And it was just that capacity for her to become whole again and her own belief about what she can do and how she can move forward.

And that, to me, is resilience.

Dr. Houston: Nice.

Hunter: I mean, this is absolutely wonderful.

Absolutely wonderful.

I'd like to follow up again with Theresa and say, What role, if any, does resiliency play in your life?

Dr. Newsom: Wow.

I mean, it's an everyday part of who I am, you know?

I think about being open-minded and taking on the challenges of life.

And you know, every day there's going to be something that's unexpected.

And so, when you are prepared because of your resiliency skills, then you're able to face the ambiguity, because that's what life is.

And sometimes the ambiguity is kind of fun, but it can also be the challenges that you're not ready to face but they happen, and so we need to be able to transform and make those changes.

So, I don't have big problems every day, but, you know, there's just those small ones that come up that you're just not prepared for, because that's just the way life is.

Resiliency is something that you just have to be prepared for every day to be able to use.

Hunter: George--do you wanna add to that at all?

Dr. Houston: No, I love what she says, and that's that ability.

It's hard to teach others about resiliency if you don't have some experience with that yourself, and so for the last 15, 20 years I've worked with executives around the VUCA world that we live in.

It's volatile, it's uncertain, it's complex, and ambiguous, but you can't move, you can't grow, you can't develop, you can't bounce back unless you have a sense of resiliency.

And for leaders it is so important because there are others looking to you for that guidance, that direction to help them with their own resilience.

So, if leaders don't have it, then you can anticipate you're gonna have a lot of problems within the organization or wherever leaders show up, or not.

Hunter: It's well said.

Go ahead.

Dr. Benight: Well, and I just love that.

I love both of those, because I think-- the idea that resilience is a process.

It's not something that, you know, you're born with or you're not born with, or anything like that.

It's something that you develop over time through your struggles, through your experiences, and then you gain that sense that you're describing of your own inner, sort of, core that can withstand these kind of stressors and challenges and unpredictable aspects of our lives.

You know, resilience, for me, has been this, sort of, go-to place when the chips are down, so to speak.

And having raised two children, those experiences come to us, and they come to us out of the blue at times, and you kind of know where you're at when you've been able to solve some of those problems.

Not completely solve 'em, 'cause there are things that we can't solve.

But being able to move forward and help other people is really, for me, what core resilience is about.

Dr. Houston: And resilience, I would just add to that, resilience is not just about leaders, and I don't want anyone leaving here thinking that.

Resilience is about life.

And you talk about raising children.

You know, we're parents, and we've had that experience, and resiliency is across the board.

Children need to understand resilience, as well as leaders and adults.

It's part of life, and resiliency is a choice.

And I think it's important for people to understand that, you know, when we make choices we don't have--we can-- we're free to choose, but we don't have the opportunity to choose the outcomes, or the results.

And that's the--that's where resiliency comes in, 'cause when those bad things happen you have to be able to bounce back, and it will.

Long as we're alive we're gonna have the need for this resilience.

Thank you.

Appreciated that.

Hunter: Well, said.

Dr. Newsom: And can I just add?

Because six years ago I lost my daughter to cancer, and that was a very challenging time in my family's life.

And of course, me being the mother, you know, having to hold the family together was very, very challenging, but, again, you find that inner strength.

You know, you have to keep going for so many different reasons, you know, for your family, for yourself.

I'm a teacher, so my students had to go through the process of learning to be resilient because they were concerned about me and whether I was even gonna stop teaching and, Was I gonna walk away from them?

And so, that was-- there are those motivators.

Those are the factors that said, "You know, Theresa, you can keep going.

You're gonna need to also show-- you know, people are looking at you," 'cause I teach leadership development to children.

And so, they're looking to see, "Well, how are you gonna handle when the chips are down?"

That, you know, life has happened, and it wasn't supposed to happen to this young lady at 29 years old, but, you know, keeping going and being that model, even though, like I said, it wasn't easy.

And six years later still not always easy, but you keep going.

And as Dr. Benight said, it's a process.

It's not something you just do for one day, and then it's over.

Hunter: Yeah, Theresa, thank you for sharing that story.

You know, I mean, I think when you go through those traumatic events and had someone describe that, losing a loved one-- right?--it's challenging.

And I think for you opening up and sharing that is a real testament to you, so thank you so much for saying that.

♪♪ Hunter: You just saw a panel of educational experts.

Dr. Newsom, Dr. Houston, and Dr. Benight talk to you about resiliency and tell you what they think resiliency means to them, but I'm here to ask you, What does resiliency mean to you?

Does anybody wanna kick it off?

Lucas, what would you say?

Lucas: Resiliency, to me, means to overcome a task in difficult times.

Diego: Resiliency, to me, is accepting failure and realizing that it's a opportunity to learn.

Santiago: I think resiliency means that you're gonna have some hard times in your life, but no matter what happens you just have to keep on going through it, trying to get better, get--bounce back.

Devyn: Keep moving forward after something kind of sets you back, but keep moving forward in the right direction.

So, learning from your mistakes and improving your actions.

Gwendolyn: I think resiliency is just, you know, when you fall back down you need to learn how to get back up, and I think it's also-- it's doing it on your own time, like not feeling forced.

If you force yourself you're going to go in the wrong direction, like Devyn said, and I think that that's very important, to recognize your mistakes so you don't repeat them.

And in doing that, you need to make sure that you do it on your own time and you're not being forced by someone else.

Hunter: So, what I hear you say is do it on your own time, not comparing yourself to someone else if they're going through a difficult situation.

That they're able to bounce back quicker, that's okay.

You're your own person and realizing, "You know what?

I'm gonna take this time to kind of self-reflect and, kind of, get myself back up as I'm moving in the right direction--" well said.

Hunter: Okay, my next question.

I mean, we're going so well.

I feel like the questions are getting tossed out the window.

I don't need this anymore.

Why are individual life-journey stories so important to resiliency?

And George, I'll direct it to you.

Dr. Houston: Yeah, and I'll just follow up.

Well, Theresa's story is a perfect example.

So, you hear that story, and right away we're in that space with her because we've lost loved ones.

We know someone who has.

And story helps us put ourselves in that place.

I often tell folks that we don't spend our time telling our children bedtime facts.

We tell 'em bedtime stories because there are lessons, values, beliefs that are embedded in that, and understanding how we can get over trauma, so story becomes so powerful.

One quick story from my lifeline is I'm one of six children and, unfortunately, too many of 'em have died because of drugs and alcohol.

I'm the only one to graduate from high school and certainly get on to advanced degrees.

It's just amazing, but there was something that happened along the way, for me, that didn't happen for them.

And I wish I could find the secret sauce, because I would pass it around in community around the country.

But I don't know that yet, but the message is that if you have these things happen-- and I think Theresa again nailed it, is that you find ways to get support and get help.

Nobody gets out of this thing alone.

You gotta get help.

So, if you think about athletes, they have coaches.

They have trainers, nutritionists, sports psychologists.

Somebody in that circle has that relationship that I can go to.

For students, they have teachers, counselors, principals, welfare social workers.

You name it.

Somebody can help you, and I think that the biggest thing is, I would say on that piece, is get help.

The longer you wait, the harder it is to come back.

So, the sooner you get help, the easier it is.

So, that's the importance of the story, is that I now know her part of her journey.

She knows part of my journey.

We know Doctor's journey, so that's part of it.

I can make it.

I know I can make it because I've heard their story, and they made it.

I can do this.

Hunter: And to follow up on that, what I hear you saying is even though it might not be found in the actual home structure, maybe it's in the community at large-- right?--with an educator, with a teacher, with a coach, someone else pouring into you, so find those people, those relationships, right?

Isn't that what resiliency is?

Dr. Houston: That's the power of, you know, the Boys & Girls Clubs, the Y, and you know, after-school programs and things like that, is that, you know, it takes a village.

At the end of the day, it takes a village for us to come back to-- for resiliency and so forth.

And we're watching in real time now as our country deals with the impact of COVID.

Some of us are doing better than others, but the message is, is getting out through social media and other ways that "this is how we're doing it.

This how we're coming back."

And at the end of the day, when we get through this, we'll look back, and we'll see the impact of a countrywide resiliency effort, and that's gonna be a powerful message for us going forward, for the next thing that may come up.

Hunter: Absolutely.

Dr. Benight: And I think that really fits with the new GRIT program that we've launched, is the idea of the story.

Is the GRIT program is designed to train coaches to be in their natural environment with their colleagues, their friends, their loved ones, and reach out and be supportive around their resilience, and boost them up.

Help them move forward.

And so, we train people with that in our GRIT program, but the key to it is, is when you talk about the stories, is the witnessing, when-- and what that means is that you're getting heard.

And I think that's the key as family members, with our kids, with friends, is if we stop and truly listen and respond, not just listen and go, "Thanks.

That was a very nice story," but be connected to the person and be able to say, "I care about that.

I care about what's happened."

And then, we feel like, "You care enough.

I can maybe now go forward, and I can help you go forward."

And so, I think that's what this kind of concept of wraparound stories is all about, is witnessing and listening.

Dr. Houston: Yeah, we're seeing a story unveil here.

Each one of these, they're athletes, and their stories, coaches, countries, and that's what makes this so powerful, and to have this museum in our city.

When people start coming through the doors, you'll see faces light up.

You'll see amazing stories that are embraced, and this is the power.

And if we can embrace and we can harness that power in our communities and things that are happening, we can have, you know, world-class stories like this.

Be amazing, thank you.

Appreciate it.

Dr. Newsom: So, can I just add in there?

Dr. Houston, can you hand me that box?

Dr. Houston: Oh, perfect.

I'm glad to.

Dr. Newsom: And I'm thinking about stories and, as you gentlemen have just talked about, our stories start in so many different ways.

And so, with a simple box you can create your own story of resilience.

And I start in my own classroom by having students take a box, decorate it in any way they want, and then writing information about themselves.

Who are you?

What are your attributes?

And I don't want students to say, "I play video games," but you could be a gamer.

You could be an athlete.

Whatever you are, your story starts with you, and that's how we build resiliency, 'cause we can build our own self-esteem and our own self-efficacy.

Then we can build upon the other attributes of advocacy, because when I know who I am, then I can tell my story.

And then, I can build upon my strengths.

And when I write down who I am, that lets me know that when people are--you know, bad things happen.

I'm struggling.

I can look back at my box and say, "Theresa, you know, you said you're an artist.

You're a creator.

You're an innovator.

You are more than just a name."

But it did start with my name, but this is my story.

And I keep adding to my story, if I can determine and identify my attributes, so that's why this box is so important.

Hunter: That's a great example.

I mean, how many of those attributes would you write down in that shoebox?

How many would you put down?

I mean, is it hard for kids to start thinking about themselves in that way?

Dr. Newsom: It is, and so my challenge for the students is 60.

So, my second- through fifth-graders were asked to come up with 60 attributes about themself.

Now, they, of course, said, "What?

Dr. Newsom?

Sixty?

Like, 6-0?"

I said, "Yes, but you can ask your mother, your father, your aunt, your friends.

Let's take a moment in the classroom and find out what your friends think."

And so, "Oh, you have a sense of humor, so you're funny.

You know, you're kind.

You're helpful."

So, your friends can say things, but you know, sometimes you do get those attributes that people say, "Well, you're kind of mean."

Well, you don't have to accept that.

You know who you are, and you don't have to accept everybody's description of you.

You get to have the choice.

And then, one student said, "Well, I'm annoying."

And I said, "Oh, I am, too."

My kids will say-- my kids will say I'm annoying, so it's okay.

So, it's okay if they're not, like, always positive, because I know I could be annoying.

And so, it doesn't-- so, think about, you know, who you are.

And we're not always wonderful and kind.

We can be annoying and other things that are not so attractive, but that's our makeup.

And sometimes maybe being annoying might help you with your resiliency, because that helps you learn to say no, and that's maybe your way of pushing back and not getting caught up in the crowd of peer pressure, so.

Hunter: Would you suggest that kids leave that box out and about, around and visible?

That they can kind of-- when they're going through a difficult time, when they're going through that valley or trying to bounce back, that they can take a look and look at that and see who they truly are?

That's what you would kind of say, right?

Dr. Newsom: Yeah, and I also encourage them to put their picture, a favorite picture, or, you know, or draw their own picture so they know that's-- that's-- it belongs to them.

Hunter: I think-- go ahead.

Dr. Benight: Well, I just love Dr. Newsom's point with this, and I think it's actually bigger than that, too, in that we did some work with the school system down in the St. Bernard Parish after Hurricane Katrina.

And one of the things we did is we brought together a leadership program of students that got-- they got to try to be part of that experience by applying, and they had to, you know, get selected, but what we found was that a lot of these students came out that weren't necessarily leaders before the hurricane.

These were sometimes students that were, kind of, on the sidelines, but they got to be involved.

And they did an entire project where they painted a mural at the site of the school, and that became a community story, so it becomes the attributes, then, of the community, of the school.

And often, with disasters, we see that there's a community-level story, and often that story is about how they rebuilt and how they got past it.

And I just think that's a wonderful example of doing that for kids.

That's great.

♪♪ announcer: Our young people share some of their stories.

♪♪ Hunter: Van in the back.

Van: My story is actually pretty recent.

It's about basketball tryouts.

So, when I and a couple other people didn't make the tryouts, we all got into a group and trained harder and stronger so we could make it the next upcoming season.

And that's what we did, and we're prepared for the next tryouts.

Hunter: Devyn, yes.

Devyn: I have a similar story.

I'm a soccer player, and I just started back up a few years ago.

And since I started back up a few years ago, I was going against girls that had played nonstop since they were four or five, so I had a lot of catching up to do.

And so, I had to have the self-discipline to train when nobody else was out there, when it was just me walking to any field I could get to, but I also had people around me that were willing to help me when they could as well.

Lucas : Mine is also sports related.

So, last year, it was whoever won this game would make the playoffs in basketball.

And there were 13 seconds left in the game, and we were down by 3, and my whole team was just-- we thought that we were gonna lose and-- Hunter: You're down by three.

Thirteen seconds to go, yes.

Lucas: Yeah, and so they inbounded the ball to me, and I shot a three, and I made it.

And there were eight seconds left, and then they inbounded the ball, and I stole it, and then I made a layup.

And we ended up winning the game, and then we went to the playoffs.

Sariah: I was moving to a new school right in the middle of another school, and it was hard 'cause, you know, making new friends, adapting to your new environment, so my grades started to drop.

So, I studied really hard.

I made it to the next year, but I really just self-disciplined myself, like others have done, and that's very important.

And I persevered in-- I really just focused on what I had to do, because I know it sucked.

But I had to get over it, and so I really had to be resilient and take charge of my own actions and bring up those grades, and now I'm in the seventh grade, so.

Santiago: My team, we were not doing so great.

We were down by two touchdowns, and everybody had their head down.

And we had, like, about one quarter left.

We did not feel so great about our team, and a bunch of guys-- I felt like we needed, like, a pick-me-up, so I went to our team, and I was like, "Hey, guys.

Keep the heads up.

We need to focus."

And eventually, well, we're still getting better, but I think we're trying to get better as a whole team and really persevering through anything that we feel like we've done bad.

Gwendolyn: I think that my story of resiliency is, kind of, a current one for me.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer about a year and a half ago, and so I just know-- I kind of dealt with it by shutting down, and I shut everyone out, and I didn't really talk about my feelings.

And I know that that was, kind of, detrimental to my relationship with my parents and just, you know, myself as a person.

And so, I think, for me, resiliency is coming in the form of learning how to be vulnerable, and I think that recently I've gotten a lot better about that, and I think I've realized that, you know, you can't get help unless you ask for it.

And so, you have to be willing to do that, and I think that that's a very important thing for a lot of people, especially young people, to know.

Hunter: Wow, that is really, really well said, the fact that you talk about that you can't get help unless you actually vocalize that and say that you need it.

How is anybody else gonna know that, right?

They're not gonna know.

Man, that's wise beyond your years.

That's very, very, very well said.

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