♪♪ >> IS THIS HOW IT STARTED?

IT SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY THAT MY SON, ANDREW, AND MARY LAHAMMER'S BABY GIRL WERE CRAWLING AROUND THE TPT STUDIOS DURING "ALMANAC" REHEARSALS AND SWINGING FROM ERIC'S SCARVES.

HOW'S IT GOIN'?

THESE TWO LITTLE ONES AIN'T SO LITTLE NO MORE.

MY FIRST-BORN DROVE OFF INTO ADULTHOOD AND I FEEL LIKE I DROVE OFF A CLIFF AND HAVEN'T HIT THE BOTTOM YET.

[ ARE CRYING ] HE'S IN COLLEGE IN St.

CLOUD STATE UNIVERSITY AND WORKING PART TIME AT THE LAZE BOY TO PAY FOR ALL HIS "X" BODY SPRAY.

NOW, LISTEN, I'LL PAY THE TUITION, BUT THAT BODY SPRAY CANNOT AFFORD.

NOW, WHEN I WENT TO EARLY CHILDHOOD FAMILY AND EDUCATION TEACHER, Mrs. JEAN LUND, SHE ASKED ME HOW HE WAS DOING.

I TOLD HER, SO FAR SO GOOD.

AXE BODY SPRAY.

SO WHY AM I STRESSED OUT?

I FIND MYSELF JUST ROCKIN' BACK AND FORTH, BITING ON NAILS, GETTING ACNE.

YOU ALL SEE THIS PIMPLE?

AND MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT BY THE HANDFULS.

I AM O ANXIOUS ABOUT EVERYTHING CONCERNING ANDREW.

I THOUGHT WHEN MY BOY BECAME A MAN, I WOULDN'T WORRY ANYMORE.

BUT AS SOON AS I REALIZED I COULD NO LONGER PUT HIM IN A PLAY PEN, STICK A PACIFIER IN HIS MOUTH, AND LET HIM FALL TO SLEEP WATCHING "SESAME STREET" I STOPPED GETTING ANY LEEP MYSELF.

I WENT TO RED BALLOON BOOKS, YOU KNOW, IN St. PAUL TO FIND A HELPFUL GUIDE TO HELP CALM MY NERVES.

ALL I CAN LOCATE WERE THOSE BOOKS ABOUT WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING.

NOW, I HAVE A LITTLE POUCH RIGHT HERE BECAUSE I'VE BEEN EATING GOOD BUT WE ARE WAY PAST THAT POINT.

I TELL YOU WHAT, I DID NOT EXPECT TO MISS HIS DIRTY LITTLE SOCKS ON THE FLOOR OR HIS ROOM SMELLING LIKE HOT CHEETOS AND TACKIES, BUT IT'S CRAZY HOW I DO.