>> ONE SEC.

I JUST NEED TO ANSWER THIS TEXT MESSAGE THAT I GOT TWO WEEKS AGO FROM MY CHILD’S CLASSMATE’S MOM THAT I ONLY RESPONDED TO IN MY HEAD AND DIDN’T REALIZE THAT I’D ONLY RESPONDED IN MY HEAD UNTIL A WEEK LATER, SO I’M JUST NOW ANSWERING BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO IT AS SOON AS I REMEMBER OR I’LL GO, “OH, SHOOT!

GOTTA RESPOND TO THAT MESSAGE,” AND THEN I’LL GET DISTRACTED AND NOT DO IT AND THEN I’LL FEEL GUILTY AND ASSUME THAT THEY’RE UPSET WITH ME SO I PROCRASTINATE MORE AND THEN MORE MESSAGES COME IN FROM OTHER PEOPLE AND THE ORIGINAL MESSAGE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE REPLYING TO SLIPS FURTHER DOWN THE LIST AND BECAUSE I CAN’T SEE IT I FORGET ABOUT IT COMPLETELY UNTIL I, ONCE AGAIN, AT A TIME WHEN I CANNOT POSSIBLY ACT ON THE THOUGHT BECAUSE I’M LIKE, DRIVING, OR SOMETHING, SAY, “OH, SHOOT!

GOTTA TEXT THEM BACK,” AND THE CYCLE REPEATS AD NAUSEUM UNTIL FINALLY, WEEKS LATER, I TEXT A BREATHLESS, “I’M SO SORRY I DIDN’T REPLY SOONER!

IT’S BEEN SO BUSY,” BUT WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY IS “I KNOW IT’S FASHIONABLE RIGHT NOW TO SELF-DIAGNOSE WITH ADHD BUT I TOTALLY THINK I HAVE IT,” JUST SO I HAVE SOME PLAUSIBLE EXCUSE FOR THE WAY I AM, OR I WANT TO SAY, "MY PROCRASTINATION IS A COPING MECHANISM FOR THE OPPRESSIVE NEWS CYCLE THAT KEEPS VOMITING THE WORST PARTS OF HUMAN LIFE ON AN HOURLY BASIS, LAUGH/CRY EMOJI", BUT INSTEAD I JUST SAY, “IT’S BEEN SO BUSY!” AND, ULTIMATELY, IT’S FINE AND THEY UNDERSTAND AND THEY’RE NOT MAD, RENDERING ALL OF MY PROCRASTINATION AND HAND-WRINGING MOOT.

OH, SHOOT!

GOTTA FINISH RESPONDING TO THIS MESSAGE.

GOTTA GO!

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