>> ARON: IT'S BEEN A RATHER HOT AND SMOKEY COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND BECAUSE OF THAT, I REGRET TO SAY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 30 YEARS, I RELENTED AND FINALLY BOUGHT... AN AIR CONDITIONER.

NOW, SOME OF YOU MAY BE HEARING THIS AND THINKING, "WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?"

BUT THOSE OF YOU WHO WERE RAISED RIGHT KNOW THAT AN AIR CONDITIONER IS ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO WASTE MONEY IN THE SUMMER.

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY, EVERY SUMMER, I WOULD ASK MY MOTHER, "WHY CAN'T WE TURN ON THE A.C.?"

AND SHE'D SAY, "YOUR LAST NAME IS WOLDESLASSIE, NOT XCEL.

WHY WASTE ALL THAT MONEY?"

AND SHE WAS RIGHT.

SO FOR YEARS, I WENT WITHOUT A.C. AND BUILT CHARACTER IN THE PROCESS.

BUT THIS YEAR WAS VERY HOT.

I TRIED EVERYTHING TO COOL DOWN.

I TOOK COLD SHOWERS.

I SAT IN THE SHADE.

I EVEN GOT A HAIRCUT.

THANK YOU FOR NOTICING.

BUT NONE OF IT WORKED.

SO AFTER ALL THAT, I FINALLY RELENTED AND BOUGHT AN A.C. UNIT.

IT WAS NICE.

COOL, EVEN.

BUT THEN THE VERY NEXT DAY, THE WORLD WAS COVERED IN SMOKE!

LIKE THE PHARAOH, I KNEW I'D OFFENDED SOME HIGHER POWER.

BEFORE THE A.C. UNIT, YOU TOOK A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.

AFTER THE A.C. UNIT, IT LOOKED LIKE MOTHER NATURE PICKED UP A PACK OF MENTHOLS.

IT WASN'T JUST AN AIR CONDITIONER.

IT WAS 5,000 B.T.U.s OF SIN!

WHO WAS I TO SAY WHAT WAS OR WASN'T THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE FOR MY APARTMENT?

HOW POMPOUS COULD I BE TO THINK THAT I -- JUST A MAN -- SHOULD CONDITION THE AIR?

SO AFTER A LITERAL WEEK, I RETURNED THE INFERNAL BOX.

AND THINGS... HAVEN'T GOTTEN BETTER.

YEAH, TURNS OUT WHAT I PERCEIVED AS DIVINE RETRIBUTION WAS ACTUALLY HUNDREDS OF CANADIAN WILDFIRES, WHICH IS JUST SO TYPICAL.

BUT ON THE PLUS SIDE, THINGS HAVE COOLED OFF.

AND I GOTTA SAY, IT'S A PRETTY GREAT HAIRCUT.